Today, I am a 1 year cancer survivor! Though some of the days through this journey are foggy, I remember the events of this one. After finding the lump, an ultrasound, mammogram and biopsy, I was waiting for the results. I was at MOPS on a Friday morning and anticipating a phone call. With my phone in my lap, I waited. When it rang, I excused myself and answered. It was the nurse calling to tell me that the findings were not clear. My sample had been sent to another doctor at Vanderbilt for his opinion. You see, somehow, I just knew. All along I knew it was something. This moment was confirmation that we are not going to be able to dismiss this today. I remember my sweet friends who had followed me out of the room that day. Standing there to give me a hug without even know what was told to me. I continued on my day until late in the afternoon when my surgeon called. It was then, sitting at my desk, that I began jotting down words like DCIS, invasive, and cancer. It was then, that all the worries and fears had become reality. But it was also then, that God grabbed my hand and walked with me through the next 8 months. Exactly 8 months as I recall it. November 5 was my last radiation treatment… cool.
In 8 months, I felt that God was with me every step. I was scared, worried, hurt, but I was also at peace. A very hard thing to explain if you have never felt it. There was a mountain in front of me. A huge, I have cancer-mountain. How do I climb that? How do I get around it? How do I climb over? From a distance, the mountain seemed impossible to overcome. But day by day, trusting God, the mountain got smaller. I had sections to climb over, but I never felt like I had to climb it all at once. And now, I look back, and I did make it over that mountain. It is back there, I see it. I have learned through some reading that viewing situations through God’s perspective, thanking Him for the challenges in life, and trusting Him makes the hurts of this world bearable. The act of thanking Him opens your mind to the possibility of benefits flowing from my difficulties. And there were definitely benefits from my journey.
I had hoped for more from this post as I laid in bed thinking of it today. I snuck down quietly to have some time to thank God for this day and write a few words. But throughout my thoughtful process, children have awoke. They are hungry, fighting and one of them pooped. So, I guess it is time to be the mommy that God designed me to be. The mommy that He still needs me to be. Thank you for this day, Lord.
