It is Tuesday. I am enjoying my last day of peace and quiet. Ok, well, Alyssa is napping so it is quiet. I don’t know I would go as far to say as I was enjoying it, like with my feet up on the couch watching Notting Hill. Wrapping up some work for clients, making sure bills are paid, last minute cleaning and now just some folding of laundry left.

We have been covered in prayer lately, and tonight we will close out with our First Family. It is wonderful to have so many people understand what this week means to us. So many people who are thinking and praying about our daughter. I am sure that the family is a mess, but let me speak for Ethan and I and say that we are truly at peace. With a few concerned moments, literally moments, this pregnancy has been very peaceful despite the circumstances. I let my mind go sometimes and wonder what would happen if Megan is not born healhty, but it is not long before I am pulled back to a trust in God that really has sustained me. I think being able to trust God throughout the last 19 months with my grief has built this trust that I now completely rely on. There is nothing that I can do. There is nothing that even my wonderful doctor can do. Megan’s life is in God’s hands. And as much as I love my doctor, that truth is more wonderful than if her life was in the best medical hands.

Alyssa and I have been on count down since 6 weeks ago. When I would tell her it is only 5 weeks now, she would say, “no, six.” I don’t think she understood that going down was better. We are all looking forward to tomorrow and Thursday. We are looking forward to meeting Megan and seeing God’s love face to face.

Here is the schedule one more time: Ethan and I check in at 12:15 for the 1:00 amnio tomorrow. If the results come back that Megan’s lungs are ready, we will start cervadil Wed night, then pitocin Thursday. We are trying to make sure we have some sort of internet connection so we can update the blog and as soon as we can, we will update everyone. We sincerly thank you for your love, your concern and your prayers over this pregnancy. May God be glorified through the birth and life of our Megan Elizabeth.

That’s right we are famous. Well in the Republic of Georgia anyway, which is near Russia. At our 37 week visit today, we were selected to be videoed for a segment that UT is doing with some doctors from that country. They videoed my ultrasound, hopefully not actually getting much of me in the shot. It is a small chance, but it may be on the local news tonight, I guess if nothing else interesting happens today.

So here is Megan at 37 weeks. Can you see her sweet face?

Everything was good today. Megan passed all tests and we are set for the amnio next Wednesday, the 20th, at 1 pm. IF her lungs are mature they will check me in and begin drugs to prepare my body for the induction. If they are not, I will come back in a week for the induction. Right now I am not showing signs of progression and the Dr. would not normally induce a patient like myself. However, instead of letting me decide if I wanted to wait until 39 weeks, she made a much appreciated executive decision to go ahead as scheduled and induce next week. We are probably looking at a 2 day induction — cervadil one day, pitocin the next. Hopefully this body will kick into gear when prompted.

This week I start weekly visits. They will consist of a biophysical profile (BPP), nonstress test, and regular visit with the doctor. The BPP measures your baby’s heart rate, muscle tone, movement, breathing, and the amount of amniotic fluid around your baby. Megan scored an 8 out of 8 for this test. She measured right on with the due date, and they estimated her to weigh 5 lbs 5 oz right now. Which could put her at 7 to 7.5 lbs even two weeks early. This was amazing to me since Alyssa and Noah were both about 7 lbs at 40 weeks. The tech said that Megan looked great. I could see her heart pumping like crazy, one of the ventricles moving in and out as it moved blood, and even saw her abdomen moving as she breathed. She would not however look where we wanted her to get a good face-shot. But we did get a profile.

The external fetal heart monitoring is used in a nonstress test that records your baby’s heart rate while your baby is moving and not moving. I sat and listened to her heartbeat for 25 minutes. The chart showed a good heartrate and good movement. She even responded well to the contractions. I did not feel any of them, but the test showed I had 6 or 7 during this test.

All of this means I drove out of the parking garage with a smile on my face. Literally. I have felt that everything was going well, but today God really gave me the signs I wanted. So far, Megan is perfect.

The only change of plans is that we may do the amnio on Wednesday afternoon the 20th, then stay over night and begin induction Wed night or Thursday. Either way, I think her birthday will be Sept 21 – assuming her lungs are developed enough to induce.

That is a question I hear alot. I usually do the standard, non-feeling answer “Things are really good.” That is not really a lie, things are good. Megan is healthy, Alyssa is excited about her sister, the room is ready, and I am still fairly comfortable. But that is not the full answer. So here are some probably long awaited thoughts on all this. If you aren’t interested in the personal, you just want photos of Alyssa on her bike then stop reading. Then don’t check back for a while because it is too hot to take anymore pictures of her on the bike.

I feel good. Any 34 week pregnant woman would tell you they are done and ready for this to be over, but I do feel good. I am excited. I am excited for Megan, not just another baby. I am looking forward to her arrival as much as any mother could. I dream about holding her on my chest, rocking her to sleep, showing her off at church, bringing her home, watching her grow up with Alyssa . . .all of it. But those wonderful dreams of the future do not come without the negative thoughts too. What if she does not breath when she is born? What if I do not hear that amazing cry as she moves from her world to my world? What if she cannot come home with us? What if everything looks normal again, and she suffers the same trauma as Noah? What if I have to tell Alyssa that her sister had to go to heaven too? UGH, the list could go on.

What if? I don’t know. There are no guarantees in this world, and while I trust God completely, while I look to him for my strenth, I do not expect to be spared of pain in the future because of my pain in the past. I do not assume I will get a free ride through this delivery, and so I worry. I don’t know that I would even say worry… it is really more wonder. This fear does not take over my thoughts. It does not take over my day. But it is present. It is real.

Here is what I remember: “Lord, I’m amazed by You. How you love me. How wide. How deep. How great is Your love for me.”

Today was another visit. Megan’s heartbeat was in the 140s and I measured good. Here is the latest schedule.

Assuming everything is favorable, I will have an amniocentesis at 38 weeks. Probably, Thursday, Sept. 21st. It will take 2 hours for the test results to come back showing the lungs are mature, or not. If things look good with Megan’s lungs, I will be induced that day. If the test shows her lungs are not ready, I will wait another week and I will be induced at that point.

My prayer is that Megan is ready Sept 21st.