I love this family. People ask how I know Kedra and the best answer I can give is – how do I not know her? As far as I know we have been friends since 1976. That is from birth in case you wonder. We’ve done it all together: preschool, gymnastics, soccer, boyfriends, college, marriage, births and deaths. IT ALL. This friend would do anything for me and since our family vacation to Destin together was canceled, they came here. Thank you friends. It was so much fun.
Ethan and I have agreed to relieve stress and make ourselves feel better by planting pretty things. Those that know us well or have been to the house, have seen the bird sanctuaries that Ethan tries to create. We feed most of the neighborhood birds at some point throughout the year and now we are trying to attract butterflies and hummingbirds. We love the color. We love the randomness we are creating. And the butterflies do too so far.
Attempting to harvest our own pumpkins this year.
Our giant sunflowers. This is even taller than me, and I am so anxious to see them bloom (if I don’t kill them first)
Attempting to get a simple picture of my three girls…..impossible.
The annual 4th of July parade.
And one reason I love this neighborhood. You just need a Nana to buy you something fun and wait for your friends to walk by in the evening. Instant party.
Let me tell you a little story about our Father’s Day. Ethan and I have never been one to give gifts. I guess it is neither of our love languages. We speak of occassions, celebrate anniversaries with nice dinners, and enjoy cakes on our birthdays. So Mother’s and Father’s Day have not been much different. Mother’s Day this year fell on a treatment weekend for me. As I recall, I spent the day… No…. it was an off weekend. It should have been a good day. But I was sick, most likely from low white blood counts, and had a simple cold turn into a long day of rest. I slept the entire day. And if Ethan had come in the morning and said, “honey, we are giving you the day off. Here is breakfast and stay in your room all day and rest…” that would have been awesome. But it was more of “you don’t need to do anything today because your 12 naps today seem like a necessity.”
So today. Father’s Day. We all made Daddy a card. We went to church. We offered him lunch of his choice, but Cracker Barrel was incredibly crowded. So we opted for home. I had intended if nothing else, to give him a day off. (Mainly, because that is what I would like.) So he tried to do some dishes and I sent him away to watch soccer and relax on the couch. (Yeah, me) So, I did the mundane task of unloading the dishwasher only to fill it back up with the dishes in the sink. I attempted to get lunch made for the girls, but lost my temper in the process and broke a dish. Megan asked me, “why did you break it?” I told her that it just broke. Then later she heard Ethan ask, ” Did you get mad or did it just break?” I admitted, “I was mad.” I hear Megan in her sweet voice, “soooo, that’s why you broke it.”
So lunch is underway. Everyone is eating or not eating (like usual). Audrey is throwing stuff off her highchair. Megan is twisting and turning in her chair because she chose to not sit in her booster. And helpful Alyssa, is getting up and down “helping” Audrey with all the stuff she is throwing off. I suppose the kicker was when Audrey continued to bang her hands on the tray in a fit of rage. When that didn’t work, started to grab her hair and pull. Again. I slid my chair back in anger, slapped her in on the hand and said NO. Again. I threw her tray on the counter, pulled her out of her chair and promptly took her to bed. (I did of course hug and kiss her on the way, telling her I was sorry her mommy got so mad. Rocked her for a minute, then she took a nap. I just can’t stay mad at that girl.) Then I crawled into my bed where I proceeded to take a 3 hour nap. Awesome, huh?
So the great part of this story is the man behind this family. He didn’t complain. He didn’t question why I was in bed. He came to check on me, gave me a hug (few tickles) and left. In and out of cycles, I noticed how quiet the house was. But it was not till I finally got out of bed that I noticed what was going on. He had taken Alyssa and Megan to the store to pick up milk (I never have milk) and the ingredients to make my favorite dinner. Not his…. mine. Then they had gone to Lowes. Oh, because before we sat down to eat, I was yelling out the window at the flowers that continue to wilt. Our saying is now: If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the garden. Just the sight of the wilting flowers was pushing me over the edge. So, he goes to Lowes, and spends who knows how much on flowers. Not to replace those in the corner, something is seriously wrong with the water, sun and ground combination, but to make the front of the house look pretty. And as I type this, he is outside washing my car. He knows the way to make this woman happy.
So my story today could be of my father. A man I admire. A man I respect. A man who taught me to pray. A man who through his failures has become more of a father to me than he might imagine. A man who never gives up. A man who loves his family and the Lord.
But today is about my husband. A man who is tired just like me. A man who is exhausted from work. A man who is exhausted from his wife’s illness. A man who needs his downtime on the weekend. But a man who knows how to step up. A man who can put aside a restful day meant to serve him to instead serve his wife. I love you, Ethan. Thank you for continue to take care of us all when I fall miserably behind.
So, yesterday was cycle #4 of the 1st round. Which means, I am half way done with chemotherapy. Seems like I should be celebrating, but I guess the 12 more weeks of round 2 and 6 weeks of radiation are dampering my excitement a bit. But honest, seriously, let me rejoice that I made it through the hardest part. The 1st round drugs are the harshest, the side effects have all taken effect and I am still kickin’. Still singing, still laughing, still here. So, yes, I should pause and praise God for getting me this far. I will worry about tomorrow when it comes.
I guess I have missed the opportunity in updating my friends on the last few cycles. #2 and #3 were the toughest. I have not been sick or even nauseous, but just feeling down. Tired, wiped, not myself. I think those feelings lead to a saddened state in which I wallow around in for a few days. Then by Monday, I am usually on my way back up and can have a good 10 days before it starts over. I have picked up my running and biking again and that really helps. After cycle #4, yesterday, I did not have to go back and get the Newlastin shot that helps boost my white blood cells. They have remained high – because of the shot, and since it was my last cycle I didn’t need it. So I am very curious to see how much of my side effects were the shot or the actually chemo drugs. Because as of right now, I am doing better than the last 2 cycles. Alyssa has been in VBS all week, so this morning me and lil’ girls ran a few errands then watched Alyssa’s final day program and had lunch with Ethan. It has been a busy day and I still feel good. Hopefully it will continue through the weekend.
I will start round 2 in two weeks which is supposed to be more tolerable. And I will have 3 weeks between each treatment so that will allow for more good days. We have a lot of family and friends coming to visit us this summer since we can’t make it back to Texas. And we are hoping to take a little vacation in late July.
So that is the drug story, now you are all wondering about Julie’s hair – aren’t you? After cycle #1 we shaved it off. Ethan did a fabulous job for his first cut and the girls came and went and watched. They asked questions and Alyssa was concerned what people would think of me with no hair, but in all they took it like champs. We shared a few emotional moments in the cutting process, but it was just another step in the journey. Over the last 4 weeks, I have seen it go from your typical summer crew cut to almost completely bald. It just slowly came out and each day it would seem a little more. I do not enjoy walking past the mirror, but it is what it is. I am thankful that I can walk around the house and have even ventured in the yard with nothing on my head. Imagine wearing a hat all day long, sometimes your head just needs to breathe. The girls don’t seem to mind and when people are in my house, get ready because you might see the full monty [head]. But when I go out, I have lots of options. I have made a few, bought some fabric that I can just tie around my head, had accessories given to me to dress it up and the latest…. well, see for yourself.
I never thought I would want a wig, but I just love it. I was just missing hair. I got over the self-conscience feeling of being out and this is just for me. Who knows maybe I will just keep the color. Thanks for checking in and I will keep you updated as treatment and hairstyles continue. Love you, friends.
So lately this blog has been all about Julie. Sorry for the lack of posts there, I promise to give an update this week before my next round of chemo, but for now, this is all about Alyssa.
Alyssa is our first born. She kept me waiting 10 days past my due date, but I fell in love the minute I saw her precious face. She is probably your typical first born child in many ways. But since I only have one how do I know. She is sensitive, sweet, caring. Likes to have a playmate. Bright. Obedient. Honest. Loving. I love that she has made friends around her. I love that she loves her middle sister enough to play games on her level. I love that she needs to give hugs and kiss multiple times before bed. I love that she remembers things from years ago. I love that she loves to read ( a trait from her father). I love that she has parts of him and parts of me in her character. I love her sweet laugh. I love that she still needs my approval and help. I love that she is part of my life right now and that I have been given the task to teach her, love her and guide her in the ways of God. I can’t believe how fast 7 years has gone and I do not want to blink and miss the next 7.
Her aunt and uncle were in town this week which made this birthday even more fun. She chose M&M, chocolate chip and sprinkle pancakes for breakfast and finished up the day with CFA. The big celebration was at the skating rink the next day with some of her friends. I … I mean … she had a blast. See all the photos.
I apologize for leaving many of you hanging… surely you knew I made it past Day 2. Day 2 involved a Newlastin shot that tells my bone marrow to make more white blood cells to help me fight off infection. A side effect of the chemo will be that it attacks white, red blood cells and my platelets. So Day 2, Friday was a little slower, still no nausea. I sat with some friends at a garage sale that afternoon and the story goes that I walked over my normal cheerful self and slowly began to sink lower and lower in my chair. I was “forced” to go home and nap by my good friends and nap I did. Pretty much slept the rest of Friday, but Saturday held a whole new day. I was tired, aching (like the flu), emotional, anxious, worried, uncomfortable. That was the day of the horrible rains that flooded Nashville, but I was pretty out that day. In hindsight, it really wasn’t too bad, probably very flu-like, but in the moment I felt horrible. Not sure if I could continue with this over and over again. [Keep in mind, I didn’t tell anyone that]. But then Sunday came. It is like the resurrection. I woke up at a normal time, took zero naps that day, ate and felt good. I guess that is the cycle. Day 1 – Day 3 continue to worsen, then Day 4 I begin to build back up. Now that I know what to expect, I may be able to tolerate that Day 3 better.
This week, I went in to get my blood count checked – white, red, platelets. All looked good except my white blood cell count was very low. It is expected, one reason they give the Newlastin shot, and she expects it to climb back up before my next round next week. However, they couldn’t get any blood out of my port. The device they surgical implanted to be able to access the vein easier for treatments. Hopefully it was only a fluke and it will do its job next week. As it stands, me and the port aren’t friends anyway. So, basically low WBC means that I am a risk for infection. So I am doing my best to keep my family healthy and learning to use the hand gel mom has placed all over the house. I ask you to do your part and remember that during treatment, getting sick is a bad thing for me. If you or your kids are even the slightest bit sick, please understand what that could do to my family. I don’t have to keep any of us from crowds, but we just need to use common sense when it comes to germs.
And here is me now. I received a great book from a friend called the Support to Go The Unbook for Breast Cancer. One thing I loved the first day I started it was it told me to write this on my mirror. To wake up and look at that everyday. I don’t have to be 5 years out to claim this. If I heard the news that I have Cancer and did not fall out of my chair and die, then I AM A CANCER SURVIVOR. I loved that. It gave me strength that day. Alyssa wants to write something good on her mirror too. It gives me strength and courage to fight this every day. Because I don’t have to just fight the cancer every other week and chemo. I have to fight it daily. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. It creeps in every day. Right now my fight is as I look forward to my hair falling out. I am anxious. I am scared. I may have a post about it. I may not. I know it will happen. Sometime in the next 7-14 days. I know I will be fine. I will make it as cute as I can. But I am not thrilled about the process. The when and how of it. So not letting the physical aspect of the fight get me down is the prayer request now. And if you find a cute hat and head scarf or fabric, send it on my way. I have high hopes of finishing several head ties, but I am afraid my time is running out. But who knows, maybe I could be the first woman with my type of chemo who doesn’t lose her hair. I think I could give God the glory for that one absolutely!! Hang with me friends. I have hit mile 3 of my half marathon.
First off, here is me. No explanations needed. I cut my hair. In about 2 weeks I will move to the super cute head wraps that I am making and the few hats I have bought.
Everyday, I try to be ready when Alyssa gets off the bus. Today, I waited by the glass door and we made eye contact before she came in. In the cutest, sweetest voice she asked “How was chemo today?” Man, I love that girl. She is so concerned and protective of me right now and I love it. After being worried that people would laugh at my new haircut, she has now made sure to tell me over and over, “It is so cute, mommy.”
The day went well. We had a slow start just because the doctor was running behind, but once I got my drugs started it was smooth sailing. I sat comfortably in my recliner, worked on a little scrapbooking, texted with my peeps and felt good. Most of the day has been fine. We were outside playing, I ate dinner and only now about 9:00pm, have I started with a headache and little stomach “feeling”. But don’t you worry, I have plenty of meds for that, and I think I will take the one that makes you sleepy and head upstairs. Thank you for caring. Thank you for praying. Today was good and that is all we can ask for. Tomorrow will be its own day.
These are my running girls, AKA: Hot Mamas. We trained through the winter, through a time-change, and we were prepared to run together and accomplish this goal as a team. After my diagnosis (ugh, hate that word), I knew I wouldn’t be able to run this half-marathon that we all were looking forward to. But less than 24 hours after my surgery, no rain, thunder, or threat of tornado was going to keep me from watching my girls run their race. They have been with me every step of my “race”, and I was there to support them this day.
The best part was seeing them running in shirts for me. The front said IMMA BE… (We dig that song) and the back said RUNNING4JULIE. Thank you girls for keeping me in the race with you. It was hard to find all of you, but the cheers and hugs I got when you saw me, made it all worth it. It confirmed that this race really was for me. And I don’t care how much you hated this course, we will all be doing it together next year.
And to my running partner, my encourager, my friend Jessica. It killed me to see you running by yourself. Yes, I wanted to run that race for myself, but I wanted to be there for you too. But I know that the “training” we did for 5 months was not for that 1/2 marathon. It was for the “marathon” that I have ahead of me. I am so proud of you for pushing through that race, and for finishing strong at the end…even better that your last one. And that is where I hope to be at the end of my race. I want to say I finished this year strong, and that I am a more complete Julie in the end. And I am now coining the phrase, “we will always have Don.” Love you, girl.
I used to fill out new patient forms with ease, checking no, over and over. Now within one month, my answers to any questionaire have become much more extensive. I am home from my second surgery tonight. We went in today to get a little more tissue from the muscle wall and to insert a port that will be used during chemo. And let me go on record as saying, that thing hurts. I like to consider myself tough, usually taking very little pain medication, but this 2″ plastic piece that sits right under my skin near my clavicle hurts. Other than that, things went well and I think I am done with procedures for awhile…at least I hope.
Yesterday I completed the PET and CT scan and the results came back all clear. We are so thankful for this wonderful news. That means that they do not think the cancer has spread past the lymph nodes. It is not a 100% guarantee because the tumor would have to be at least .5 mm for the scan to pick it up. But it is still good news. I will begin my chemo treatments next week and the DR will run another set of scans toward the end of the year to check again.
I think that is the main info. I will admit this time, that I feel a little out of it, and maybe the sentences are not my best, but hopefully you received the info you needed.
Thanks to all of you for your love and support.