Christmas is approaching. It has been over 7 months. The usual comment, “I can’t believe the year is already over,” is just not true to me this year. I can remember being pregnant like it was yesterday. I can remember the drive to TX Children’s like it was yesterday. And I can remember Noah in my arms like it was this morning! But this has been an unusually long year.

Our family is doing well. I have several reminders through our house of Noah and that makes me feel good. Not everyone likes to be reminded, but I do. Alyssa and her cousins still send balloons up to Noah any chance they get, and we will remember Noah in other ways this Christmas. The kids are going to purchase teddy bears for the Missouri City Police to put in their cars. Brad told the kids that we can buy the bears for other kids since they do not get to buy a present for Noah this year. We have Noah’s angel ornament on our tree. My mom will have a stocking for Noah at her house, and we will place notes that we write to him in it. Finally Christmas Day, I will have red and green balloons for the cousins to let go. They all really connect with Noah in that way. Honestly, I like to believe he gets those gifts in some special way.

Alyssa has a photo of her and Noah in her room. Here is a conversation we had today:

Julie: Give Noah a kiss. Say I love you Noah.
Alyssa: (Kiss) Love you Noah… He’s up in heaven.
Julie: Yes, he is.
Alyssa: What we going to hold on to, to go to heaven?
Julie: Balloons can go up to heaven, but we can’t go. Who takes us to heaven?
Alyssa: God.
Julie: Yeah, God will take us up to heaven.
Alyssa: He has to help us.
Ethan: Jesus will come down and take us all to heaven to see God and Noah.
Alyssa: Yeah! (smiling, giggling) Then I can play with my brother Noah.

I love that she still remembers him. I love that she questions me if Noah’s picture gets moved. I love that she will keep him alive in her child-like ways. We miss you son.