“How are you doing?”, and countless variations, is a question I don’t think anybody honestly answers. How many times at church, or work, or hundreds of other places does has a fake answer come from my lips? I’m good, doin’ fine, great, never better, wonderful, fantastic, great, marvelous, fabulous, very good, excellent, terrific. I won’t go so far as to call them lies and most of the time I probably honestly believe it. But how different would our fellowship be if we all answered that question openly. I’m struggling, hurting, confused, embarrased, aching, anguished, in other words I’m grieving.
It’s a question I honestly can’t answer when someone asks. My mind swirls with thoughts of each emotion until he or she starts talking in a need to break the akward silence.
I’m struggling with Laura’s question of God’s hand slipping. I had no idea that was even possible; thanks for a whole new realm of possibilities to contemplate.
I’m hurting physically with a possible stomach ulcer. So much for the summer of George.
I’m confused on so many levels of theology, philosophy, and sociology. How do I respond to so many people?
I’m embarrased for feeling so down.
I’m aching watching my wife struggle with so many of her own questions.
I’m anguished over the heart-ache so many people have experienced.
But I also know that all of that is okay, and these emotions are real. They make me feel alive. They make me want to lean on God. They make me want to pray. They make me want sit in silence and just listen.
Father God only you know, even more that I do, all of my hurts and emotions. Take them Father. For I fear somedays they might overwhelm me. I need your strength and your will to carry me through. Help me Father to listen for your voice in the noise and rejoice that you have heard me. – Ethan
I know from my own struggles that when people asked me how I was doing, sometimes I wanted to scream, don’t even ask, because you can’t handle how I really feel. Keeping the truth from others seemed to protect them from feeling so bad for me… even my own husband. I didn’t feel like I could really let him know how bad I felt at times. And how thoughts of my own grief overwhelmed me. Other times I wanted to get a t shirt printed up that said, don’t even ask how I feel, you don’t really care. Then I’d think, why should I think they don’t care? Maybe they really do… but what can they do for me that would actually be of help. My heart hurts for your family and I pray for you daily on my list of people I pray for. I have a very tender place in my heart for babies. And people that want to be parents and don’t get the chance. I know you have another daughter, I’m just speaking of the loss of Noah. I have a close friend that lost a baby a year ago…she told me the other day on the anniversary of his death, that she is finally feeling more like herself. That she knows who she is again, if that makes sense… and that she would hate to go back and redo that fresh raw feeling of loss. But she is better and feels grateful for God carrying her through when she thought she might not make it another day in the grief. I pray you feel peace. That you can find joy in the most unexpected, but needed times. I like to think of those as little gifts from God showing you He is right there. Know there are people lifting you up in prayer to our Good Father.
Dear Ethan,
I can only imagine how difficult it must be to experience the numbness of your earthly consciousness after having experienced such a tragic loss. I have been blessed to have known you for quite some time and you have truly developed into an extremely intelligent, giving, gifted, loving, strong, spiritual man, husband and father. My thoughts and prayers have always been with you for as long as I have known you wishing you extreme happiness, abundant good fortune and endless love. No one can exactly know the journey you and your wife are traveling physically, emotionally or spiritually. One can only offer their condolences in the form of continuous thoughts and prayers. Healing has begun. There is no protocol for grieving. A wise man once told me that when life seems to be at its most difficult point, take a step back and surrender yourself to the Lord. He is truly listening and is there for you and your family. Sometimes healing and blessings take time as He works through humans. Each time someone approaches you to ask how you are doing, it is God reminding you that he is always with you. Embrace the thoughts and gestures and realize that you are not alone on your journey. Beautiful Noah will always be with you and all of us in our hearts, minds and souls. Just know that through Jesus, Noah would want you to find happiness again and live life to it’s fullest for him. Continue to be strong for your family as they are being strong for you. You and your family are loved more that you know. I am proud of the man you have become.
Please read the following moving poem written by Mary Stevenson titled “Footprints in the Sand†as I hope it may provide some inner peace.
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:
“LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me.”
The LORD replied:
“My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.”
God Bless You and Your beautiful family.
Sincerely,
JAG
Jeremiah 8:18 says, “My sorrow is beyond healing, my heart is faint within me!”
Psalm 43:3 says, “O send out Thy light and Thy truth, let them lead me; Let them bring me to Thy holy hill, and to Thy dwelling places. Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy; and upon the lyre I shall praise Thee, O God, my God. Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, the help of my countenance, and my God.”
Romans 8:26 says, “And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spriit Himself intercedes for us with graonings too deep for words…”
So Go hears your sorrow, acknowledged by the stories of men’s and women’s sorrow in the Bible. It is so “ok” for you to need much time to heal.
He knows you will process and pray and process some more, and will come to praise Him at some point. You and Julie have shown great wisdom and transparency and God is covering you with His wings as much as we let Him, I guess.
And a great comfort is knowing that when we don’t know how to feel, or how to pray, or even how to live, the Holy Spirit interprets the whole dance to God our Father, who hears in earnest, and grants what we need.
the grief is palpable, and the corners of my heart are turned down in sadness. I believe in hope, and nothing in the grief process ever really changes it, it just feels far away for awhile.
And I can’t even imagine how you feel.
Thank you for sharing with us who care and love you three so much. The whole thing is tragic, this thing called life, Just like you said on this day, help us, Lord,, to hear You, to know you through Your Word, and to see the Body of Christ at work for our comfort.
Bless you, Ethan and Julie, little sweet Alyssa. I remember your smiles and your peacefulness. I pray that they return to you just as soon as they can. In the meantime, you are loved, and thought about, and prayed for.
Carol
Well said buddy–Just keep on being real. I am thankful that through all of this grief and living that you are continually led to lean on our Father and pray. That’s what all of life is really about. Learning to trust Him. Leaning on Him-totally. Letting Him be God. Coming to the place (will I ever get there) of being out of control and being ok with that.
Sorry to hear about the ulcer-who is George?
love you guys–
A
to amankin.. the george I think is a reference to george in seinfeld, where the character declares an upcoming summer the summer of george where apparantly he will just have fun himself and enjoy summer the way you did when you were a child. sort of carefree. who wouldn’t want a summer of that? instead of the responsibilites we have to face as adults. an escape would be great. ah well, that’s not the way life is. we all know that. sometimes it just “blows”. sorry, but couldn’t think of a better way to put it.
still praying for you and your family’s continued healing. you take each day with whatever grief bubbles up as you can. sorry to say, I don’t think you can rush this process. we will rush prayers to our Father on your behalf.
We want you to know that and your family are in our daily prayers. The outreach from your grief will influence others for the Lord. Please know we care that you hurt.
Jim and Betty Lawless