I don’t know why this is happening. Well… I do remember a morning, not long ago, after the news came that it was cancer. I was stretching for a morning run – remember when I used to run? Yeah, that was fun. So, I was stretching, watching the sun rise from my window. And I was praying. Praying for God’s will to be done in my life. I did specifically pray that God would do whatever He needed to do in my life. I said that I believed in His plan and whatever has to happen to bring glory to Him, that I was okay with it. So, if you need to blame someone, I guess it is me. And I guess maybe that is why I have taken all this in stride. I have been disappointed with results, but not surprised. The saying in my house goes, “It is what it is.” And here is what it is.
Ethan and I met with the surgeon (Dr. B) and the oncologist (Dr. M) today. Let’s start by saying, that if I had to find something good from today, besides my brother downgrading to a cane, it is that I found confidence in my doctors. I didn’t know these men a month ago and I fully trust their decisions and opinions. They have shown hurt and disappointment from the results, they have given me the explanations, they have told me that they are all here to fight with me. The surgery from Tuesday is healing great and it was said on more than one occasion that I made the right choice. So I am thankful that my choice was appropriate.
The results that came back from pathology confirm that the cancer has spread to 5 lymph nodes. The invasive cancer area was measured at 2.5cm and the DCIS (non-invasive cancer) was about 5cm. So the area was quite a bit larger than originally estimated. Dr. B believes that he did remove all of the cancer, but the pathologist suggested he do another surgery to take a little more for clear margins. This is under debate right now, but if Dr. B said he did the best he could – I am okay with that. The test showed that I am Estrogen/Progesterone Receptor +. Which just means that the estrogen in my body is fueling the cancer. This will be attacked with a few drugs to lower the estrogen over the next 5 years.
The combination of these factors all point to chemotherapy. The word that no one wanted, and no one wanted to ask, but is now reality for this cancer. I will have a P.E.T. scan and CT scan next Wednesday to see if the cancer has gone anywhere else in the body. I will have an echocardiogram because one of the drugs could have side effects on my heart. I will also have another surgical procedure to place a port in my chest. The port will be used to distribute the drugs during chemo instead of having to go through a vein in my arm each time. Then chemo could start as early as the following week. My regimen looks like this:
Chemo every 2 weeks x 4 = 8 weeks. Day 1: I received 2 drugs, Day 2: a shot to boost my immune system.
Rest 2 weeks.
Chemo every 3 weeks x 4 = 12 weeks.
Rest 3-4 weeks.
Radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks.
By my calculations that puts me well into Fall of 2010. Then I think I will go on a well deserved vacation. Where do you want to go, honey?
So, it sucks, yeah. It really sucks. I believe with my whole being that I am in God’s hands. What I can’t understand; He can. What I can’t do; He can. What I can’t even see possible; He can. When I can’t; He will. I don’t know how, but we can do this. All of us. Because I know this doesn’t just effect me. It effects every woman, every mother, every husband, every friend, every family. And I need you to have strength. I need you to trust that God is there. I need you to carry this story on. I need you to use it in your life. He has led me here. Where will He take you if you let him?
Lamentation 3: 21-26
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
Thanks for showing your amazing spirit in all of this or should I say His Spirit. We are lifting you up and putting on our armor to fight this battle with you. You Go Girl!
You are drawing strength from the right source! He will walk with you, ahead of all the rest of us… but we are right there behind Him. His light is shining through you Julie. And this battle is far from over. I love you!!!
Your strength and faith amaze me. I am just a call away for whatever you need. I am available to bring food, do laundry, watch the girls, drive you to appointments….whatever you need.
Hi Julie–I am a friend of Steve and Jen’s…way out here in Abilene. Lots of folks here love your family, even though we don’t know you personally. I’ve prayed for you so many, many times and won’t stop. Take heart sister…you are not alone! May God supply just what you need for each day…for when dealing with cancer (or most things) one day at a time is enough. Lifting u up-Mandy
Julie, you have my prayers. You have my heart. As does your husband, children, brothers…
May God go before you and prepare the way. And may you follow with confidence knowing that there is nowhere you can go that God has not already been. peace.
Julie,
We are praying for you and your family. We are so sorry that you are having to go through all of this. Stay strong!
Julie,
Your faith and strength is amazing. God is already using you through this dreadful disease to make a difference in other peoples lives. I thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts with everyone. I hope some day I can have the same faith and strength that you have through adversity. We love you and will continually pray for you.
Sue Larkin
Thank you for this post Julie, I can imagine it was difficult to sit down and write, but for those of us who are praying for you and thinking of you it is appreciated. It certainly sounds like you have received a lot of information and now have a plan in place. Will continue to think about you and send up prayers in the coming weeks and months.
Much love,
Ashley
Julie,
You don’t know me. I can’t remember how I found my way here. But I’m hoping with you. Believing with you. And so sorry for you. Praying for you all.
Julie – Your faith and spirit are such a blessing to me and to so many. I rejoice in the good news, and in your confidence in God’s will for your life. You have given such great testimony! Thank you! Blessings, Richard.
Julie, I am praying for you as you walk this most challenging journey. I know God will hold when you feel you cannot stand on your own. May you feel His loving arms and know that people like me are praying for your every step.
With love,
Cheryl Gowens
Thanks, Julie, for using this dreadful time to encourage my faith and to teach me…again. I am praying day and night for each of you that His greatness will overpower it all and hold you up every moment…He is able and you believe it. Love you all.
A pink candle luminaria was lit in your name last night at the Sugar Land Relay Walk for Cancer at Oyster Creek Park. It was a beautiful event with hundreds of survivors and fighters there being honored and walking all night. I was blessed having been among them fighting for Julie wearing my shirt and pink ribbon pin. I love you and yours.
Julie,
Thank you for this post. Your faith and hope in the Lord shines through in every sentence. You are an encouragement to those of us who put our trust in the Lord, knowing that His plans are rarely our own. I’m praying for God’s healing and his love to blanket your family today.
Melissa
Shaker Heights, OH
You are touching more people than you know. Keep posting… your writing is very inspiring. I can’t believe all you guys have to go through. I’ve shared your story with so many. Many people are looking out for you and praying for you. You are truly an amazing woman. I wish I had an ounce of the faith you do.
Julie–
I dont know if you remember me or not but we met a few times at Sheila’s Monday night Bible study at First Colony. I’ve read your blog for a while now but never commented. I just wanted to let you know that I am lifting up you and your family before God daily as you walk this difficult journey.
Aja
We’re friends of Joe and Laura Hays. We are praying for you and your family. So thankful you rest in His promises…
You have always been so open in your writings and it is a wonderful gift to everyone. Thanks for sharing the ups and downs and long journey.
Sometimes there just aren’t words… Just wanted to let you know that we’re praying for you, too. And thank you for sharing.
Thank you Julie for living your life to honor God. As always, your words
are an inspiration to draw near to God. I am praying for you, Ethan. Alyssa, Megan, Audrey and all the many many others who are touched and will be touched by this journey. I love you
Leslie