I never think that God’s message to me is ill-timed. But the opposite. He knows exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. To set the stage, I am home alone. I have been for the past 3 nights. Ethan, his mom and the girls are in WV visiting his grandfather. I requested to stay behind for some much needed time to myself. As I am working on the computer tonight, I feel led to listen to a podcast (my music selection on iTunes was getting old). I do not listen to podcasts very often so I find this message even more God sent. I decided to look up my old church in First Colony, well, because I love listening to RN. The message I heard tonight was on wisdom. From the book of James, he reads:
“5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”
Wisdom is there, all I have to do is ask. Back to timing. This scripture would have been helpful to me anytime in the last month as I weighed the options for surgery. If it could have just hit me in the face that I needed to ask for wisdom, maybe all of this would be easier. Of course, I knew that God held my answer. But what is it about ourselves that time after time we want to do it on our own? Hey, I know, I will ask my friends. I will ask my husband, he should be involved in this decision. The doctor, yes, the doctor will tell me the best choice. But none of those worked. In the end the decision came down to me. Further in James it says:
“6 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. 7 Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.”
And receive nothing from the Lord is what I got during those first weeks. I was dividing my loyalty. Deep down, I wanted God’s answer, but I was going to see if I could get something good from the world first. And it was not until I was at the end of my sanity, that I could bow to Him and truly ask for His help. To admit that I cannot do this alone. To admit that I do not know how to proceed. And plead for a sign. Plead for wisdom. I know you are not surprised to hear that God delivered. While I would love to share this awesome experience, it is personal (if there is such a thing on this blog anymore). But I want you to know, that on the day I gave up trying to put my faith in the world, God showed me why I can put my faith in Him. All I needed to do was ask.
And with that, a decision has been made. I will have surgery April 13th to remove the cancer. I will have lymph nodes tested and when I come out of surgery they will be able to tell us if and how far the cancer has spread. With those results and a few more post-op tests, a treatment plan will be made. The best scenario is that I will have radiation for 6 weeks. If the cancer has spread or is bigger than they think, I will most likely need chemo.
Here, my friends, is the best part: “12 God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” As RN summed up, I will not be complaining of the radiation or chemo that I had to endure once I am in heaven. For after this testing is complete. After my life on this earth is over. I will receive the crown of life. And is that not better than anything I could ever hope for?
Not sure how this all fits in, but yesterday for some odd reason, we decided to have a week fast from TV and spend our evenings reading scripture to the kids for bedtime, rather than silly mundane tales of a talking buffalo or ice skating rabbit. Last night I read to Blakely. And I went in there, sat on her bed, and said, ok, let’s read James.
And there you have it. Last night we read chapter 1. So, if you need affirmation about what is being said, I’m here to affirm the message.
So are you telling me my faith has to be tested? I can’t just live “on fire” for God, sharing the gospel and bringing others to him? I can’t just go to church and class, and teach and counsel with the good news? You mean there are moments my faith is tested? Dammit. Well, then, I’ll be tested, and I’ll lean on God with you, so that when we are done, we will be standing. Standing. We may be hunched over, out of breath, but we’ll be standing.
I just heard in our ladies Bible study last week (which is all about battles, both equipping ourselves for them, as well as taking away the “plunder”, or treasures or victories or wisdom or whatever, from them when they are over) that the very first step to take is to take it to God. Unfortunately, it’s all easier said than done, and I totally relate to what you’ve said. We’ll ask our moms, our friends, our DOCTORS what is best, but often we turn to God for an answer when He’s all we have left. It’s so backwards and so frustrating and the totally wrong way to go through life, but we do it. Why? Because, unfortunately, we’re sort of wired that way.
It was really good and encouraging to read your words tonight and to KNOW fully and without doubt, that you’re someone I love deeply with a family I love deeply whom I know loves the Lord deeply. And that is a phenomenal way to end your day. With hope, faith and most especially, love. 🙂 Love you!!
Julie, your faith is amazing and inspiring. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
Julie~
Isn’t it ‘funny’ how God works? Its almost 2:30 in the morning, I should NOT be awake! But for some reason (no coincidence) I HAD to check your blog. And now that I have read your ‘Wisdom’ post, I have to tell you that God used you just now. I needed those verses!
I just want to go on record and say that I truly think that you having cancer SUCKS. It stirs up many emotions that are probably best left in my mind and not posted on your blog! But you!? You, Julie Whaley are absolutey amazing!! I am so thankful for you and the gifts that you give to other people. I am thankful for your strength and determination, for teaching us what you have learned and for sharing your experiences and wisdom with the rest of us! You set the bar high girl! And, after all – whatever treatment plan is required – its got NOTHING on eternity in heaven!!!
thank you for being you!
corey
you’re right, nothing is better than that. I am so proud of you!
love you more than you will ever know~
Praying to God to fill you and the doctors with the Holy Spirit to guide in your surgery tomorrow! May you be provided with healing and even more wisdom to fight this battle. I know you know that you know you’ve got a thousand troops in support of YOU and against this cancer battle. LOVE YOU!
Praying for you today and that as you come out of surgery, you are feeling minimal pain or discomfort. Praying for peace for those surrounding you and supporting you there and above all… praying for your total healing!! All our love.
In Him,
Chad & Ashley Baker