Read Ethan’s blog below first.
I love the fact the Ethan thinks of me as his “Senior Editor.” He wants to make sure that anything he types, especially late at night, is okay and sounds right. Usually I am just pointing out sentences that are missing a verb, but tonight I told him that his thought process seemed to end rather quickly in his “To Blog” post. He said that is just where he ended, he didn’t know what else to say. That of course led me to want to leave a thought … or two.
Why did Ethan not have an emotional reaction? What would mine have been? We have discussed several times how blessed we are that God took Noah so quickly. Yes, I would have loved one more day, one more week with him, but it would have only made letting him go harder. I belive that God used Noah on this Earth long enough to serve his purpose, and then he quickly called him home. He was here long enough for all of us to know him, love him, but short enough to let him go. I still feel a peace, a peace that surpasses ALL understanding. Why does seeing a tiny baby not make me fall apart? It is the peace of God. However, seeing older boys hits me a little harder. As we were leaving the house today, I saw a young boy, maybe 7, riding his bike. I told Ethan, THAT is hard for me to see. I saw Noah as a baby, I even held him, but I will never see him as a toddler or grow up and learn to ride his bike. That reminds me more of what I have lost, and what I will never have with Noah.
A week later, I have realized that few of you probably know the miracle of Noah’s death. Is that an oxymoron? To prove that God took him home quickly when his work was done, let me tell you a few details. The 6 days that Noah spent at TX Children’s, he seemed to only get better. His lungs were clearing up, eventually breathing on his own, and increasing in movements. He had always had a steady heartbeat and high oxygenation (87-100 out of 100). Meaning his body was getting enough oxygen. Even Tuesday before he died, he seemed stable. His heartrate started to rise from 140s up to 170s, but nothing anyone was too worried about. Wednesday was a different story. It started with a phone call saying he seemed to be getting an infection and they wanted to put him on some antibotics, and it all ended 8 hours later. When I went to see Noah about noon, I could immediately tell something was wrong. He was pale, the beds of his nails blue (from lack of oxygen) and his stats were just off. Heartbeat up to 180s, oxygenation in the 80s. The nurses had him on antibotics for an infection, which turned out to be pneumonia, and had put him back on a respirator at full throddle. He went from a respirator to help him breath to a ventilator to completely breathe for him. We were basically waiting for Ethan to get to the hospital to make our final decision about his life. The miraculous part of his death was how quickly it came. His doctor had said he assumed that Noah would eventually die of something similar to this, pneumonia, but not until much later – 6 months or even 2 or 3 years. His nurse that day told me, when she came in that morning she never would have thought he would die that day. All signs to me that God just took him home.
I think that the details of his life make letting him go easier. He was always God’s child on a loan to me. This world was not his home, and he just passed through quicker than most of us. And I WILL see him again one day. 2 Peter says that with the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. That comforts me because what may seem like a thousand years to me on Earth is only a day with the Lord, and only a day for Noah. He will only wait one short day for his Mommy to hold him again in Heaven. And if a thousand years is only a day, imagine how many “days” there will be for me to hold him. Right now I am just practicing patience.
It’s great to have you two back! I keep thinking of that line in the movie, “They’re back!” Though few leave comments, many of us check a few times a day to see how you all are doing. I wonder if you can place a counter on your blog. I imagine hundreds visit. God continues to use Noah through your words. Thanks for being obedient to God and allowing Him to use you.
Julie ~ You have blessed my life so much with your willingness and courage to share Noah’s story. What’s most meaningful is how you are able to draw strength and knowledge from His Word – which is the ONLY source of answers for our lives. I’ve been thinking recently about how we started school together in the 1st grade and continued through high school. I would have never imagined then that you would touch my life the way you have even 10 years after we’ve seen each other since graduation. You, Ethan and your family have taught me so much in such a short time. It gives me inspiration to be a more loving, patient, forgiving, compassionate Christian wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. I will always remember Noah and what you and Ethan have done for so many people. You have strengthened God’s family here on Earth – what an awesome ministry of Christian discipleship! As I think of Ethan’s visit to James Avery, I’ve learned from experience that there are no coincidences – only “God”incidences. He will use these times to test and strength your character for His Kingdom. Thank you for who you are.
Anne (Ragsdale) Turner
You two are truly amazing! Thank you for continuing to share your faith, love, and courage with us all. Please know that hundreds/thousands check the blog daily and continue to pray for your family. We are so blessed to have shared in knowing Noah and benefit from your great example in faithfulness. May you continue to find peace and inspire us all to be better Christians.
We love you!
You guys ROCK!!!
Love you-
A
We haven’t stopped checking the blog….we think of you and pray for you daily, multiple times a day! You two are truly amazing…going through so much in your lives, but still helping us all become better servants of Christ. Thank you for sharing your story.
I check on her often to see if there is anything here to read. I feel great pain for your family. I can say that you have really touched me, my heart and soul. I’m now 25wks pg and I have lost a baby but I was 15 wks pg. Nothing to what you have went through, though at the time I was beyound understanding life and understanding why God allowed something like that to happen. Then I feel guilt when I look at what you have been through. There is a reason for everything that happens. Fair or unfair your little boy and even you the parents have brought so much to so many lives. I cry alot for you and I marvle at how strong the both of you are. There is so much to be said, but what are the words to express it? Sum it up with that Noah did the work of a man of God life’s time in his short time that he was here. Please keep writting, you give so much hope, and peace and reminde us that God has bigger plans and that he will always be there for us no matter what and it will be ok. I can’t thank you enough for sharing with all that you have, Thanks, Jennifer in Alabama
I continue to read your entries on the blog. I notice that the comments that you receive back now are much less than in the past. Please don’t let that discourage you from continuing to write and share your feelings. Your family continues to be on my heart and I will never forget the baby that I never met, but taught me so much.