For the first time since Noah’s birth I find myself alone, all alone, in the hospital. No family in the wating room, nobody I know just down the hall. Julie and April are in NICU with Noah and I have wandered down the hall to avoid the drone of the TV. A strange feeling sitting in “unfamiliar” surroundings trying to make sense of the conflicting thoughts and emotions running through my mind. It was easier last night sitting in familiarity of my living room and the comfort of my couch.
Today was a good and bad day. I suppose that’s what they have all been and that’s what most will be for the foreseeable future. But it sure isn’t fun. This morning I was able to hold my nephew for the first time since he was couple of days old. It is amazing how fast he is growing and awesome to see him smile. It was the first time Alyssa was able to meet her cousin and I couldn’t help thinking this is what it was supposed to be like. Noah on my lap and Alyssa sitting next to me beaming with pride over her baby brother. In so many ways it was good to hold Clive and see him and to know that God has blessed my brother. Alyssa really liked him.
Today was also the first day that Julie and I weren’t waiting on the results of a test. As strange as it may sound the tests give us something to look towards. Good news or bad news the tests give us point of reference in the day. For two planners and dreamers like us the lack of paitience about the future is probably the hardest daily battle. Joe in class on Sunday has told us several times that money is mentioned more times than prayer, love and Heaven combined. What I am wondering is how many times patience is mentioned? Wouldn’t so many things like love, prayer, money and Heaven be easier to grasp if I just had more paitience. The problem is I want my son better now. My prayer is that the Father give me the paitience to know that this is the day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it.
It’s hard to think it, let alone write it, but I am not sure I noticed any improvements in Noah today. It makes my heart heavy to think that. I suppose it is also worth noting that there weren’t any setbacks or bad test results. There many things that Noah needs prayer for that only our glorious God knows about. Please continue to petition the Lord on my son’s behalf.
So many thoughts but so little time. To all the moms out there including my wife: Happy Mother’s Day. – Ethan
P.S. The lasagna and cake were really good.
I love you! When I can control my tears, and I can see to type, I will write more. When I’m not there physically, you are still with me constantly. Thank you for sharing your feelings with all of us. Ann (GiGi)
Bless you Ethan and Julie and Alyssa and Noah, and may the Lord continue to fill you with His love and strength. Father, continue to strengthen little Noah.
God bless
Ethan, Julie, Alyssa & Noah I wanted to let you know that I prayed for you. The Lord is your rock, fortress & deliverer. He is your ever present help!!! It is difficult to deal with the unknown here on earth, but the ALMIGHTY, ALL KNOWING God is right beside you. He will NEVER leave you or forsake you. HE will guide & protect you and your family & HIS children. Love you!!!
Baby Noah and your family are in our constant thoughts and prayers. We are here for you and your family to serve in anyway that we can.
Troy & Stephanie Weiss
Julie:
You are a wonderful mother and beautiful woman. You are in my heart and thoughts on this special day… Mothers Day. You have been selected and hand picked by God to love and cherish Alyssa and Noah… and not a better mother could they have. I love you dear friend, I love your family. My prayers and thoughts are with you constantly.
Love,
Mel