I am there. I am at that breaking point where everything is getting to me. Is it the hormones, the timing, the anxiety? I think I was there for about 2 weeks waiting on Alyssa and with Megan we induced so early, I missed it. But here I am: excited, worried, anxious, hopeful, doubtful, joyful and scared. How can you have all of that at once? I had my last appointment today and I am scheduled to check in the hospital Sunday evening and they will begin the induction Monday morning. And trying to convey my fears and what will make me feel better to 5 different doctors has been annoying and frustrating. I have been on rotation at the doctor’s office since week 20 and I felt I had to re-tell my story each time. After some serious convincing, I got my “original” doctor to agree to the induction even though there are no real signs of labor in my future. I thought we were on the same page all along and her comments on not wanting to induce if I am not “ready” were enough to send me over the edge today. As I said, she gave in, but made it clear that I was accepting the risk of c-section if the pitocin didn’t work. I guess she doesn’t understand that a healthy baby via c-section is a big step up from no baby at all.
So we are 4 days and 4 nights away from Audrey (as Alyssa puts it). I have everything in the house ready and while that feels great and makes me smile just to walk past her little bed imagining her there, it also brings out emotions that apparently I have been pushing down. The more joy I try to let myself feel, the more pain I feel. The more “what ifs” creep in. Should I just put this all in God’s hands? Or can I make one more ultrasound and just check on her again? Whatever is done or will be done, is done, so what role can I play in this? I guess with Megan’s pregnancy I was so well cared for, that I believed without a doubt that she was perfect, she was healthy. This time, I feel I have gotten the shaft a bit from all these doctors that don’t really understand. I guess I felt you all deserved one more heart-felt post from me. One more spill your guts to all interested parties post. So there it is. I am hopeful for the beautiful baby that I dream of, but am truly scared of the reality that this world can hand down.
We will post news and/or photos as soon as we can. See you again on the other side.
Julie, thanks for your honesty, your openness. Thanks for allowing us to get a glimpse of your thoughts, to feel a little bit of the feelings that you’re feeling. May God go before you and prepare the way. And may you follow with confidence.
I’m leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn’t fragile like the peace the world gives. So, don’t be troubled or afraid. (John 14:27)
Thank you “Angel”. Those words spoke right to my heart this morning as if Jesus himself was reading my blog!
I am there. hmm. Oh, you probably aren’t searching for a fix huh.
So you can know, I am here.
Julie,
I’ve commented a couple of times before. I’ve followed your blog since the day Noah was born. Allison and my husband worked together at Houston Christian. We attended Noah’s service. I hope that you will feel the power of those praying for you as you anticipate Audrey’s arrival over the next few days. I pray that your fear will be outweighed by your joy and God’s peace will overcome you. I can’t wait to see the pics.
Melissa
Thanks for sharing your heart Jules… it’s a big one! I’m glad you stood your ground with the doctors… they don’t always take the time to know the facts about the patients they are attending. My prayer is that on Monday, you’ll be blessed with warm hearted nurses and doctors… and a beautiful, healthy baby. It’ll be a day full of blessings!!! I can’t wait… XOXOXO
Julie,
I have never commented before, but I have followed your story for a long time. I have prayed for your family many nights. I will continue praying that God will lay of blanket of peace on you and your family and that you will be able to enjoy these last few moments together before you add your new baby girl. I pray that on Sunday night God puts the perfect team of nurses, doctors, family and friends together so that you can welcome Audrey into the world with only excitement and happiness! Most of all I pray for a healthy little girl for you that is as strong and as beautiful as her sisters (and her mommy). I can’t wait to see the pictures!
Amy in Clarksville, Tennessee
We are praying for baby JoJo’s safe arrival on Monday! I pray for peace for you today and in the days to come!
I will be in prayer for you in the next few days. 🙂 Are you having Audrey at Centennial or Baptist? I LOVE Centennial and had a great experience there. My sister had her baby in July at Baptist and was very pleased. You will be well taken care of wherever you go. I am looking forward to seeing a beautiful picture and a report that all is well. Much love to you and your family.
Julie,
I ditto so many of the thoughts here already. I pray for a healthy stress free delivery and birth of your sweet new girl. For as much peace as God can give you as you wait this weekend and as long as it takes on Monday. And that this time next week you will be home together again loving on a new little baby in your arms.
I love your honesty and openness. We are praying. I hate that your last appointment was not a good one, but God is in control. I can’t wait to hold little Audrey. Enjoy the experience. Keep me posted!!!!
I pray that your peace in the next few days and through delivery is even more awesome than you can think or imagine! Thanks for sharing your heart!
The Roths
We continue to pray for Baby Jojo and all of you. We are anxious to get there so we can hold her and see her beautiful little face! Let God’s peace surround you and keep you calm and confident until she is here!
We love y’all!
prayers for peace and health and hugs for you!
julie, your honesty allows me to be honest also – I’m scared sometimes too. But our faith and this journey hasn’t disappointed us yet. God has been miraculously good in all of our experiences and promises to continue to be so. In everything we face we have a champion whose promise hasn’t waivered from Jeremiah 29:11, even years later. I continue to return to that verse time and time again and rest in Gods will for our lives. Know you have more people inspired by your story and, in turn praying for the health of this new baby, than you can even conceive. That’s the true power of God being lived out in our lifetimes. You’re not alone in your feelings and we will all rejoice with you on Monday when you hold a perfect, healthy baby in your arms. I wish you peace and hope.
I wish Holly and I could be there to guide you through this labor and delivery! Just know that people who barely knew you are still thinking and praying for you back here in Texas. I pray for peace and a quick, healthy labor for you and Audrey! A mother of 3 previous children was born ready for the fourth…the pitocin will work!
Much love, Jill (Megan’s 2nd labor nurse at Hermann)
We are praying for all of you too here in Michigan. We pray for peace that passes understanding.
much love,
the callicotts
Julie-
I too wish that we could help take care of you through Audrey’s birth! I know in my heart that everything will be fine! You will be holding your precious healthy baby girl in no time! Inductions go very smoothly with 4th babies! Don’t worry! We are all praying for you down here in Texas! Congratulations in advance! Can’t wait to see the pictures! God bless you and your family!
Much love and support-
Holly Howington (labor nurse at Hermann)
Julie,
We are praying for you this evening!
Thinking and praying for you tonight. We love you guys and can’t wait to meet little audrey!