I love that Alyssa can tell complete strangers that today is her brother’s birthday. Like the lady at Garden Ridge as we were buying new flowers for the cemetery. I love that she is so open about it and there is nothing strange about her brother living in heaven. I love that she completely believes that when the balloons disappear in the sky, that means that Noah grabbed them. I love that I can celebrate and remember Noah anyway I want and Alyssa is on board. Want to send him balloons? YEAH! Want to have cupcakes like he is having in heaven? YEAH! Oh! To have the faith of a child.

So here I am toward the end of this day. I have reflected on the idea that I want to celebrate his birthday and not the day he died. For people that die at an older age, you usually remember their loved ones on the day they died. But for me, Noah’s birthday holds more meaning. I haven’t figured out why – only that is the day we met. The day he first came to our family. The day many of you heard about him. The day that changed my life. Last year on the 1st anniversary, I didn’t know what to do. Do we have a cake? A family party? Do we invite others to let balloons go? I chose to do nothing. But this year I was ready. I don’t want to make myself feel that if I do something one year, then I must continue that ritual for the rest of my life. This year we made cupcakes to remember him and next year we may not. It is hard to let yourself do what you want to. Not to think “what does it mean if I do this?” or “Do I still have to celebrate this way when Noah would have been 30-something?” We just do what we want, and what works each year. But let me tell you that singing the boring, traditional Happy Birthday song today really touched me. With us gathered around the kitchen table, candles lit, singing like we have for everyone else in the family (except Megan). It was surreal that Noah never had that. Never experienced a birthday and we never celebrated with him. But one day we will celebrate!
What really helps on this day is that many of you remember him too. I have never shyed away from talking about him. I like for people to bring him up, just to say his name. It confirms that he was here, that I have a son, that my heart has a hole in it for a real reason. Thank you for remembering Noah. Thank you for remembering our pain.