Blogging. As I sit in my room tonight, it is cold, quiet and my thoughts go to blogging. I am so behind, I have missed several important things, do I even try to catch up? Do I just start from here? It is a love/hate relationship, because once I miss something it feels like doing a chore. I realized that I started this blog to write. To put my feelings down, out there for you to read. Assuming you are still there. Give me a shout if you are still reading. It turned from an art form to a chore of documenting my life, my kids, my vacations, holidays. Well tonight, I am going old school. Back to my heart.
I received an email from my S-I-L today: “I am replacing pictures on the fridge with updated ones from Christmas cards, and Noah’s picture remains.” She has kept a photo of Noah on her fridge since the year he died. How cool is she? So I read her email and smiled and thought how sweet that is. He is still a part of their daily life. It wasn’t until tonight, as I am quiet, randomly scrolling through my 19,918 photos (no joke) in iPhoto that my heart goes to Noah. I look through the handful of photos that I have of him and pause here.
This is my sweet boy. I stare at this photo for awhile. Remembering the environment, remembering the sounds, the nurses, the families in the same situation. I have to make myself believe that this child is/was mine. I look at his face. Who does he look like? Why do I not know that face. What was he dreaming or thinking or feeling in these moments? I know without a doubt that God brought us through that hard time. That so much of the pain has been just washed away. I am so thankful for that.
“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing: you have put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;” Psalm 30:11
As I look to the new year, may I be girded with gladness. Finding the joy in my life right now. Giving thanks for the blessings. And daily finding ways to pass that joy on to others.
If I hear from anyone, maybe I will post things like… San Diego trip, Sea World, Megan’s birthday, Audrey’s birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas musical and Christmas photos. Sounds like too much work! Maybe I will just keep rambling.
I love your heart and openness on this blog. GOd does carry us thru and Noah will meet you with open arms when you go home and introduce you to his best friend – Jesus and to his wonderful heavenly Father.
I’m still here. You’re a great writer, I will always come back ti read what you write. I prayed for Noah when he was in the hospital. It was my first year teaching at Westbury Christian and I remember getting the email during nap time (I taught the threes) and praying as all my kids slept.
I love reading about you and the family and the history is what makes it wonderful. You inspired me to begin. Your words are a gift you are leaving to you and your children. Your words narrating their life. Sometimes you write about the mundane events of life and other times it is about God walking you through Noah’s life and death. It’s inspirational and I love it all. Keep going!
I am a friend of Jen and Steve. Your blog encouraged me today.
I’m still here dear friend! I miss knowing what is happening in your life… not that I am doing any better on my blog… almost 2 years since posting. Ha!
My arms ache to hold that sweet little boy… there is something about his face that really resembles Whitney. Seeing his arms, his hands, his chest makes him so much more real to me than he ever has been before. Maybe because now I have two of my own…
Thinking of you, and thanks for sharing your heart. : )
Love and hugs from all of us here!
Mel Mel
We met a few times many, many years ago through Tiffany Fetter. I do still check your blog regularly and love your writing and look forward to more!!!
Hi Julie and Family, Terry is my cousin. I have enjoyed reading your blog! I, to check to see if there are any updates. I enjoy reading about you and the family. I live in So. California and if you ever go to San Diego maybe we could get together and have lunch. The last time I seen Terry was in 1981! She sends me pictures of the family.
Keep on Blogging!!!
Hey there friend, I’m here, sorry to have been too silent. Hope you all enjoyed a blessed Christmas and Happy New Year!
I still read! 🙂
Still here Jugi and reading!
I’m still here! And I totally get what you mean about blogging being a chore. My blog needs work. A lot of work. So much work that I don’t even want to start. So I totally get you. I say: blog if/when you want about whatever you want. It’s your blog…so do it your way! 🙂
I have never been known for my promptness. I am, however, getting caught up. I had a wave of missing you today so thought I would check in. Glad I got to see your heart 🙂